meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
a search helicopter?!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
