there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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