Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize