I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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