There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry about my life...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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