Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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