Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
