Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
