My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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