just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
