doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
