Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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