ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
