My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
