then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
