connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
