You really coming over, don't trick.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
