Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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