In the future we'll all be gay
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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