Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
