Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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