Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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