i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
