Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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