so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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