I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
