More tranny stories later!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
