You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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