I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
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