I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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