hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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