Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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