Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
