He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your cock deserves a montage
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
