i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
