He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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