I have demons in me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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