I'm going to jail i love you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
