the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
