My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
