Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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