i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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