You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
