I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
