You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
