its not stalking. its research.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
