I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
