these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
