haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
