what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
