Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I understand Curling. That high.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
