doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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