She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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