dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
