whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
