I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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