i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
