You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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