none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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