So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
